Worthless Pride

I haven't updated this blog in quite a while and I apologize for that...though I do not repent of it. I have been extremely busy and, though I wish I could have made time for this, I simply haven't been able too. Now I have a day off and wanted to post something. This poem is, I think, one of my better ones. It has always awed, and confused me, that God would choose brokenness and foolishness over strength and wisdom in those he calls to his service. Scripture calls us to be broken and I fear that, in modern Christianity, we have elevated brokenness to something that it is not...desirable. I subscribe this to the American culture of wealth and privilege. As a people we do not understand what it means to be broken and so we feel free to elevate this sorry condition to some lofty height, a thing to long for, to seek after, and to laud...but never find. However no one who has been broken desires to be broken again. Brokenness is NECESSARY for Godliness, but it is not desirable, it is painful, humiliating. Brokenness is akin to destruction, and in fact when a think is broken it is one step closer to being destroyed.
This is one of the great mysteries of scripture, that we become useful to God only after we have been broken, after we are no longer of use. Being broken forces us to rely on the Almighty, to trust him, to believe him, to follow him, because we have no other recourse. In this brokenness we become useful. It is a thing that is beyond me.

What pride have I
Standing now on mangled feet
Broken wings beat useless
'Gainst harsh winds of life

I am defeated
Trod down, destroyed
'Naught of use remains
Within my hollowed shell

And in this state of sorrow
You choose me, though
In the midst of pride that
Passed before, I held no value

Now, in my brokenness
I am made complete
In destruction I am whole
In emptiness I am useful

What sorry foolishness is this
That all worthy of pride
Should hold no value, but
The worthless becomes immeasurable?

Fairie Clouds

Relationships are difficult, I know this both from personal experience and from watching others. I know many divorcees, and a few people currently in the midst of that difficult position...decision...all of the above. The following poem is both about the hope for a new relationship to begin and for a broken relationship to heal. It attempts to bridge the divide between those who have always been single and those who are newly single. We are such wholly selfish creatures and it is so easy for us to forget that everyone else is not concerned about us first. We tend to ignore that which we have in favor of that which we desire and we so often forget that when it is a person who we ignore...we may not have them for long. Selfishness in all the myriad of forms it takes can easily destroy us, it takes from us those things we most value because it lies and tells us that they will always be available. Selfishness destroys lives because it leads us to believe that those self-same lives are the most important concern...it allows us to put our wants above other's needs and so we show them such little care. We destroy ourselves.

Two hearts beat as one
Blessed union then betrayed
By selfish similitude
Hearts separate and then, in time, return
Such is the course of life

Run aground on shores of wanting's wiles
Ever far removed from trust's wise pace
One heart beats a mournful tune, longing for his mate
While 'thother sings a wistful song,
'Membring her's as well

And here they sit, so far separate and yet the same
Hoping soon to meet their true desire
Though've never thought what such might be
So they wait and dream and pine,
Missing truth set before them

That such as they might hope to see
Is not truth, yet instead
Distant glamour made of shining dream
Such faerie dust as shrouds their eyes
Clouds all that truest love may hope to bring

May e'er such lovers meet?
Might their glistening eyes be opened yet?
Such will might be as fearfully strong
As world's oh so inviolable turn
But 'tis not true that weaker men have found?

Should glamoured heart then be freed
And clouded eyes be opened yet
Then those self-same eyes be free to see
Such love awaits as puts the dream to shame
And twin hearts be made beholden set

My Judgment

So...I'm honestly not really sure what to say about this poem...it just came to me one day...not really sure where from so I think I'll let it speak for itself.

Death sits astride a pale horse
And fires light his eyes
His baleful gaze sums us up
And clips the ties that bind
Then as we are wandering souls
As pale now as our white king
And following in one accord
His duties do we bring

This mortal verse, my heart protest
His sum should ne'er the full to know
For of his burning eyes and mind
The world has far too much to show

And know we then his fullest name
Should we choose to cry or sing?
We turn away and would not see
Such blessings he bestows
That we would ne'er accept
For fear of loss and life's release
That struggles end and fate decide
Whether I should know heaven's peace

Trees of Life and Love

I have no love life, this isn't a surprise to those of you who actually know me. I write about love, I desire it, I wait for the day when I'll meet my wife and woo her...however, when it comes to the female gender, I am prone to excessive shyness and a wholly undesirable lack of confidence. Sadly in most every other area of my life I am far more confident than I probably have any right to be. Nonetheless, I have no love life, so I write poems about what I would like to have, what I dream of, what I hope for...blah, blah, blah. This poem is actually inspired by one of my favorite Greek myths, it is a story of compassion and commitment, two of my favorite words.

Planted as a seed of hope
Love may grow a mighty tree
A shade under which we might sit
And blend our hearts together

This tree might reach thick roots
Deep into the earth, drawing up
The life-giving water of gentle union
Received through words of grace

Let those words fill my mind
Flow from my heart to my love
Filling our lives with worship
That our well might ne'er run dry

May love 'twine together
Two lives grow as one
These trees of living consciousness
Entwined in lover's embrace

Dawn

Here's another Haiku.

Rising with new day
Glories inescapable
Bring new life to me

Scripture

I love the word of God. It has unimaginable power, the recent movie 'The Book of Eli' did a good job of representing the scripture as being set apart. Gary Oldman's character Carnegie repeats several times the importance of 'having the right words' and that 'they will listen if the words are from the book'. The word of God has the ability to touch the heart, the mind, and the soul unlike anything else I have found. I have read the holy texts of a number of religions including The Book of Mormon, A few of the Hindu texts, The Holy books of Shinto, The scriptures of Tenrikyo, and Lao-Tsu's Dao De Ching among others. I have studied Greco-Roman, Norse, Japanese, and Hindu mythology as well as some Egyptian and Mesopotamian mythology. All of these contain interesting stories, sometimes they are emotionally touching, sometimes they contain wisdom or some seed of truth. However none of them can change the entire person the way Scripture can, none of them contain the power, the authority, or the understanding of humanity that is found in scripture. I love the word of God.

The word of truth
Sits on my lips
And never may recant

For this wondrous book
Of life and joy
My flawed heart doth pant

Its veracity unquestioned
Its flawless words
My life renew

Transporting me
To sweet release
With hope my soul imbue

This simple book
Held now in single palm
Has power yet unknown

To change mens' lives
And teach the wise
To, their understanding, hone

And falling then
From simple men
Precious words, like stars, alight

To draw the foolish
In time's tight grip
Into heaven's height

Freed from sin
And darkness now
By scripture's blessed word

Which from the lips
Of your kind
Messengers they've heard

And now we live
And choose to give
All we are to you

For from your word
The truth we've heard
And given it it's due

The Pride of Life

Everyone deals with pride, either because of their successes, because of their failures, or both. We all tend to view the world with ourselves at its center, it is the great delusion of humanity to believe that we are important. That, in and of ourselves, we matter. I have been considering lately the possibility that all value is extrinsic by nature, I may have mentioned this before. Regardless, we have no value in and of ourselves, what value we do have we hold simply because it is the will of God. Men and woman are given value because God finds value in us...as opposed to God finding value in us because we are intrinsicly valuable. I know, it seems a fine distinction, and yet of such importance. If we understand that we are valuable not because of us, but because of God then suddenly the kosmos is so much bigger, and our place in it so much smaller. The following poem was actually written to my pride, in a moment of anger and frustration at myself, please read it as such.

A nightmare settles behind my eyes
Its vicious requirements drain my life
Drawing upon my thought and breath
'Til there is none remaining within me
My dastardly heart has wrought betrayal
Its wanton desires lend power to the dream
A reality not present but for
This wrenching, pleading, obsequious need
That pulls upon the hems of my sanity
Cleverly disguised as righteous desire
It worms its way into my every action
Passing itself as love, as charity
As my own unabridged holiness
This delusion clouds my perceptions
Corrupts my actions and seeks only
The elevation of self, but at what expense?
And yet I see it not, for its subtlety
Now I name this beast which lives within my breast
This tired affront, I name thee pride.