Dark and Light Entwine

We are all sinners, we are all prone to wickedness, such is our nature. We tend to shy away from looking at the blackest parts of ourselves, we tend to focus on what we do well, what positive things we bring. We also tend to judge others according to what we value. The problem is that we are all different, that we all have our strengths and weaknesses, that what one values greatly, another sees as a waste. When we do look at the sinful nature which lies inside each of us we tend to see not what is true, but what we desire, we each look at ourselves as the chief of sinners, when we bother to look. We engage our selfishness in that opposite direction, instead of seeing ourselves as we are, we see only the weight of our own sin and assume, even unconsciously, that no one else (who is truly human) has done worse. We then turn and classify those who have done worse as less than human, as monsters, as sociopaths, as demon-possessed fiends. Again, in this, we fail to see the truth, that each of us is human, each of us is a sinner, and all of our sin stands the same before God. This poem highlights my own struggles with sin, my own habit of seeing myself as the worst.

Blood drives itself through me
Power flowing hotly through my veins
With it carries all that is my life
All sin and pain and shame
And drives upon my withered heart
Great wickedness I've done

My heart is fit to break
Shatter into sharp and jagged pieces
Under weight of such momentous sin
Let the fire take me
Burn me with its cleansing flames
And wind to carry off the chaff

Cleanse me, burn away my hate
Let all wicked thought be fed into the flame
Oh that I could be righteous yet
Freedom from this flesh of death
To know true, enduring life
This is my great desire

Hate's Abiding Need

I am, intimately familiar with just how damaging, how destructive, and how consuming hate can be. Those who know me know this and those who have known me for a very long time will remember this. Hate is all-consuming, it seeks to encompase the heart, fill the mind, and devour the soul. If allowances are made it will fill and overflow every aspect of one's being until there is nothing else and the person himself is lost. This poem is a remembrance, a warning, and perhaps a little bit of a plea. Hate has been one of the defining factors of my life and while I am free of it, having been cleansed by the boundless love of Christ, the remainder of that which I once was remains within and seeks escape. The sin of which I am capable, not that which I have done but that which I may yet do, at times haunts me and provides impetus for most desperate reprisals of faith.

Blood feeds to hurtful lust
As pain takes on pleasant guise

Wicked heart and bloody mind
Call in chilling articulation
For brutal retribution
Upon imagined slights

Dark thoughts and pressing need ever endure
Through days of light's compassionate embrace

Through pain and brilliant passion
Blissful joy and bitter sorrow
Through trial and temptation
Content repose and ambition's fearsome grasp

Hate abides unchanged
And its only cure is love