All That I Am Not

I don't date much. Mostly because I am convinced that women are not attracted to me. There are many reasons for this, some probably legitimate, some probably not. Regardless it keeps me from asking women out. The other side of the equation is that I tend to be a great acquaintance, a wonderful close friend, and extremely awkward at everything else...which makes it difficult to get from one to the other, especially with the fairer sex. Regardless this poem is a reflection upon the vast limitations I see in myself and my potential desirability. I hope that it doesn't sound like moping, that is not the intention. The intention is, instead, self-exposure...the result of which I am unsure, but I suppose I will find out soon enough.

I am not wealthy
I am not wise
Nor brave, nor strong, nor good

Would that I were all these things
Or e'en any two or three
If only to be what you desire

What little weakness I may hold
and in my poverty should keep
I shall gladly share with you

What little courage I possess
I'll gladly spend on you
Ever, in comfort, you to hold

I cannot promise much
Raising empty hands in offer
But I would share all I am with you

All I am is yours
Though little it may be
If you would but share your life with me

Creation and Praise

I have written several poems with the intention of highlighting the styles of scripture in my own poetry. While this poem does not exactly replicate any particular style of scripture it is intended to be reminiscent of the psalms. The content is obviously the creation of the world.

Your greatness is seen in the glory of the stars
Your majesty descends from the heavens
By your word this world was born
Your speech birthed Venus, Mercury, and Mars

Your glorious word brought light to dark
And 'twas your pleasure to draw back the seas
Dry land you raised and seeded well
To grow a perch for Robin, Sparrow, and Lark

By your will you made the birds to fly here to and fro
And flit their way across the empty skies
And many fish the seas to swim
And dive down deep below

In sky you set out points of light
Great balls of roiling gas
For the day the sun to rule
And the moon to stand in trust for night

You made great beasts to walk the land
And crawling things in dust to dwell
Man you made to praise your name
In your glory revel, and by your might to stand

So let all stand to praise your name
Your glory we may privileged sing
And stand in worship your name to bring
To this now tainted world

The End

I find when I speak to people that death is often a desperate fear. It is something that most people spends their lives dreading. We see death as the enemy, the thief of life which has come to steal that which we most desire. The problem with this is that it is not in any way a Christian mindset. If we look at death through the lens of the scriptures we understand that death is not the enemy, nor is it something to be feared. It is instead the suitable reward for our lives, it is something that we look forward to, something that we long for. For Paul we know that 'to live is Christ and to die is gain.' With this in mind I present the following poem.

Death depends on straining string
O'er my weary head
Daily I await inevitable fall
Fate's weighted blade stained red

A simple snap and then no more
From life's weight is given release
Awaits a journey upward
Then to know eternal peace

Hate's Abiding Need

I am, intimately familiar with just how damaging, how destructive, and how consuming hate can be. Those who know me know this and those who have known me for a very long time will remember this. Hate is all-consuming, it seeks to encompase the heart, fill the mind, and devour the soul. If allowances are made it will fill and overflow every aspect of one's being until there is nothing else and the person himself is lost. This poem is a remembrance, a warning, and perhaps a little bit of a plea. Hate has been one of the defining factors of my life and while I am free of it, having been cleansed by the boundless love of Christ, the remainder of that which I once was remains within and seeks escape. The sin of which I am capable, not that which I have done but that which I may yet do, at times haunts me and provides impetus for most desperate reprisals of faith.

Blood feeds to hurtful lust
As pain takes on pleasant guise

Wicked heart and bloody mind
Call in chilling articulation
For brutal retribution
Upon imagined slights

Dark thoughts and pressing need ever endure
Through days of light's compassionate embrace

Through pain and brilliant passion
Blissful joy and bitter sorrow
Through trial and temptation
Content repose and ambition's fearsome grasp

Hate abides unchanged
And its only cure is love

Promises

We tend to make promises, often which we have no hope (or sometimes even intention) of keeping. This is especially true when it comes to romance, promises sound good, they stir the emotions, they fill both parties with desire, appreciation, and contentment. However we often promises things that we have no hope of keeping, 'I will never hurt you', or 'I'll always do what is best for you'. Another favorite of mine is 'I'll always put you first', these promises are impossible to keep because it is human nature to be selfish and the nature of relationship to hurt one another. Some might take this to be a dim view of love but I promise you that it is not. Relationship and romance have vast rewards to offer, but they also have inevitable pains that must be endured to achieve those rewards. Even our relationship with God is wrought in pain, matured in pain, and tested by pain. This poem is my response to those promises, when I finally find my wife I know that man, and the husband that I should be...I also know that I am less than perfect and will, at times, fail to be that man and that husband. The best promise that I can make her is that I will try my utmost to be that which I should be.

I should ne'er leave you
Nor should I forsake you
Just as God has not me
But perchance I will and do
Shall you take me back?

I should ne'er hurt you
Nor bring you harm
Just as God has not me
But perchance I will and do
Shall you, by willingness, forgive?

I should always put your best at first
Caring for all your needs and wants and dreams
Just as God has cared for me
But perchance I fall and fail
Shall you, in grace, lift up my head?

I should love you e'er the sun stands in the sky
And moon and stars give light to night
Just as God has loved me
But perchance I fall and fail
Shall you, in turn, love me?

I should promise only what I can give
And keep each and every one I make
Just as God has promised me
But perchance I fall and fail
Shall you, in mercy, promise me?

I make what promises I may
And keep all those I can
I am not God
Having not his power
Nor his constancy
But I promise this, and keep it will

I should love you till the stars
Grow cold and gutter out
If you, in turn, should love me

Reborn

2 Corinthians tells us that when we are saved we become a new creation. This is entirely true and I feel that this is a proper notion on which to transfer from facebook notes to this new blog. I am a new creation, made and blessed by God, no longer what I was but moving ever forth to that which I shall become.

I stand unfettered, my sin behind me lain
Victory through all encompassing love
Through effortless surrender I have gained

My past is naught but thought stored in remote faculty
And some now distant, though still bitter, regret
My life renewed and better yet, reborn in glorious fraternity

Brotherhood binds my heart and soul, stirring newly found emotion
Brother, sister, father, mother, unity in family
No longer sought but now found, fact and no longer hopeful notion

Life restored to this deathly husk of flesh
Hope restored and with the father lies
Soul and spirit, so long separate, once again enmesh

Hung on ancient, twisted tree I died to sin
Died and yet I live and breath
For I am not myself, but he who lives within

So evermore to such eternal hope I turn
And in this life to his good will I yield
So that I may hear well done when this life I do adjourn