Failed Blessing

Recently I have been working at a certain company (whisper, whisper...In-Service America...whisper, whisper) taking calls for certain psuedo-Christian ministries (whisper, whisper...Daystar and Trinity Broadcasting Network...whisper, whisper) which will remain nameless, unless some typist, surely not myself because I would never risk my job in such a blatant way, places their names in this post. Regardless of the teaching that is put forth in their variously named telethons (whisper, whisper...which is clearly the heretical work of false teachers...whisper, whisper) it is the nature of the callers which inspired this, and a few other poems. Let me say first that praying for people for 12 hours straight is extremely draining and difficult. This is redoubled by the fact that one is exposed to the truest nature of 'Christian' prayer. That is to say that, in its modern incarnation, prayer is an extremely selfish thing. Even removing those who fall for the clearly heretical teaching that one can bribe God, or that if one 'agrees' that God must do something then he is required to do it, the vast majority of prayers fall into one of three categories. These categories being 1) I want money 2) I want healing and 3) I want companionship. Notice that the first two words in all of these are the same.
In an entire week of working 7-12 hours a day just praying for people I can count on one hand the number of people who asked me to pray that God would work his will in their lives...this amounts to hundreds...possibly thousands of calls...with less than five (actually all of three...I remember each of them) who just wanted to follow God. Now don't get me wrong, I believe that God can and will care for us, that he will provide for us and even that, sometimes, he provides miraculous healing. However we follow God in these things, he does not follow us. I have to admit that I have been forced to look at my own prayer life because of this, it has challenged me on an extremely personal, and uncomfortable, level. Ultimately I am forced to wonder if this is all that prayer in modern Christianity has amounted to...give me this, give me that, oh, oh, and that one too.
I have been disgusted and ashamed by what I have seen over the past week, I must admit that I have also been rather fiercely angered. I honestly can't count the number of times I have had to stop myself from praying imprecatory prayers over my callers. Asking God to smite them down and punish them for their selfishness, of course the simple reminder that I tend to be just as selfish has helped to curb this bloody minded tide. Nonetheless, I have been angered to an exceeding degree. All of this has been, as mentioned, the impetus for several poems, of which this is one.

Blessings rain upon the heads of men
Gone unnoticed by our haughty eyes
Holy boon cast aside
When failing to meet selfish expectation

Painful blessings go undesired
Though through them we become mature
For they fail to human arrogance
And the lustful needs of fleshly minds

In all we are and love and seek to do
We drown the holy in mundane tragedy
All the completeness of my mind and heart
Focused on the greatness of my glory