Awaiting Death

Let me say first of all that I am not suicidal. I don't want to give that impression. That being said I believe that every Christian should have a certain, healthy, longing for death and the rewards that follow. Paul said, and I've used this verse before, 'life is Christ and death is gain.' The New Testament is replete with the notion that death is not something to be feared but something to which we may look forward. Along with this notion that death is a blessing we have the unshakable truth that life is filled with pain. Whether little pains or big pains we all have pain, some of us have a plethora of pain and most of us go through times when we feel that we have nothing to look forward to except death. Whether true or not this is a difficult place to be, combining a healthy longing for death with an unhealthy contempt for life and a certain hopelessness that leaves one bereft of any desire. Add to this the knowledge that our time is not of our own choosing and one is left with the impetus behind this poem, the stoic knowledge that one is trapped within this world while longing to be free. Life becomes a prison, God a warden, and others (even friends) fellow inmates who are not to be trusted. As I said above, a difficult place to be.

Nameless sorrows assail my mind
As hope gives way to despair
Abandoned dreams my life have lined
A pointless waste of life's fraught fare

Though still a life I've left to live
Time still my greatness to achieve
I fear, this life, no heart I've left to give
Nor any will, its goodness, to believe

Should I die this very night
I true should breath such grateful sigh
And shudder with relief for freedom from life's haunting plight
For in Lord's enduring grasp I'd, with eternal comfort, lie

For that oh so pleasant day I fear I long shall wait
Stoic patience become my armor 'gainst a life of pain
For hope's proved naught but hurt, such is a dismal fate
But on that day I day, I then shall learn to live, that day shall be my gain

So heavenward I yearn and deathly grasp I do await
That ever onward I might move
Passing through Heavenly cities golden gate
No life to live, nor pain endure, and no worth should seek to prove